Dating

‘Mostly top’ guy learns the hard way why you should never cancel on your bottom

Bottoming: Top learns the hard why you should never let down a bottom

Andy was left disappointed after preparing to bottom. (Twitter/@FloralAndy)

A guy who identifies as “mostly top” found the shoe on the other foot after he spent hours preparing for bottoming, only to receive nothing but excuses.

Andy, a marketing consultant from Philadelphia, had been travelling for work for three weeks when he started “to feel a little pent up”.

In a Twitter video, he explained: “When I woke up this morning, something just hit different, or rather I wanted to be hit different.

“So I made a bold and daring move, and after eating an omelette with a lot of cheese for brunch, decided that I wanted to bottom.”

Andy told PinkNews that he made an appointment with a “a long-standing friend”, and set about getting ready.

“I spent a tonne of time in here,” he says in the video, gesturing towards a toilet.

“I was also considerate and lit a candle, and I was also considerate and made my f**king bed which I never do, and laid out a towel which I never do because I’m not a very considerate person, and all of a sudden wanting to bottom makes me nice.”

After all of this, Andy was left high and dry.

Echoing the words of a thousand bottoms before him, he ranted: “”He f**king cancelled. I swear to god, I’m going to run for public office and I’m going to make this s**t illegal.

“I’ve never one cancelled on someone and I’m very proud of it. I’m going to criminalise this s**t.

And you can bet your ass that I revenge-ate some tacos like a good pseudo-bottom.

Andy told PinkNews that he was “caught off guard” by the physical and mental preparation that often comes with bottoming.

“I’ve always hypothetically known that the process is time-consuming and somewhat emotionally draining: taking Imodium hours earlier, starting other prep hours earlier, showering, cleaning, lighting a candle, then losing hope and getting progressively angrier as the clock ticks.”

He said that his would-be top stopped responding as soon as he’d arranged the hook-up.

“An hour after we were supposed to meet (and after my stomach was full of tacos and guac) he texted me to say he had an ‘unforeseen roommate dispute and am no longer available’.

“I’m pretty sure that means he murdered his roommate, but who knows!”

Almost 250,000 people have watched Andy’s video – tops, bottoms and pseudo-bottoms alike.

Many responses came from those who felt Andy’s bottoming pain, having been left with the same empty feeling of disappointment.

Andy admitted that the experience of almost bottoming had changed him, hopefully for the better.

“I stand in solidarity with bottoms now more than ever. Tops should be more considerate in their bookings – being an upfront adult can save everyone a lot of time and emotional energy.”

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