36 thoughts I had while watching All Stars 8, episode nine: ‘I am entertained, I think’
All Stars 8 cut its top four down to a three with after a red hot Carson Kressley roast (WOW)
All Stars 8 enters its top three era in episode nine with a red hot roast of Carson Kressley, a delicious serving of karma and the return of several Drag Race fan favourites.
As viewers continue to recover from Alexis Michelle’s foolishness and clownery last episode, the All Stars 8‘s four remaining queens are tasked with a roast of judge Carson Kressley that’s actually very funny – and if it wasn’t for one queen in particular, there would have been no clear winner.
A lip-sync assassin falls to a very unexpected opponent, Carson does indeed get roasted and Katya of All Stars 2, season seven and UNHhhh fame makes a welcome appearance to do nothing but confuse the pre-roast girlies. It’s chaos. I live.
Here are 36 thoughts I had while watching All Stars 8, episode nine: Forensic Queens
- I am still reeling from the absolute backstabbery and foolishness of Alexis Michelle sending Lala Ri – the contestant that she wanted to f**k the whole competition, and who saved her just a week before – home. I would’ve sent Kandy Muse home. The judges love her and she’s a threat.
- Jimbo is so stupid in that facekini, I can’t take her seriously (in a fun way).
- Good for the other girls for calling Alexis out. Alexis says she “didn’t promise” she wouldn’t send Lala home, just that she’d “never forget” Lala saving her. Which is the same thing. Shady boots.
- Alexis is forming alliances at the start of episode nine. I’m no expert, but that seems a bit late for them to mean anything.
- The Maxi Challenge this week is a roast of style superstar Carson Kressley. Not to be too savage, but what a wealth of material to play with.
- Kandy won her roast on season 13 and Alexis lipsynced after season nine’s. Is she giving foreshadowing?
- Dead at Kandy not knowing what the word ‘equestrian’ means.
- Dead at Jimbo asking Alexis if she knows any good jokes after Alexis tells one.
- Dead at everything Jessica Wild does.
- Jimbo says she’s bringing back her Snatch Game-winning Joan Rivers character – a decision that, I feel, no one else would be able to get away with.
- This drama feels a bit stale, to be honest. Jimbo is placed last in the running order, but we know she’s going to win based on nothing but our own conjecture and predictions.
- It’s walkthrough time with Michelle Visage and Alec Mapa and, once again, Jessica Wild makes me laugh so much, even if what she’s saying isn’t actually funny.
- Kandy channels Ariana Grande by getting notes on diction, Alexis gets reminded of painting herself green for no reason on season nine and Jimbo’s Joan Rivers impression gets surprisingly negative reactions. Inch resting.
- The queens are back the next day – and they’re joined by Drag Race legend, Katya! I don’t know why, but that’s very slay!
- WHY IS ALEXIS SO HORNY?
- Absolutely obsessed with Katya offering zero comedic advice and just asking about the drama of the season. Why didn’t she just say: “Kandy, I think you should fight someone”?
- And then she crawls out of the room. THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is comedy.
- In the immortal words of Farrah Moan: Let’s get this roast a-cookin! Also, what’s wrong with RuPaul’s wig?
- Alexis is up first and… she does well! It’s one of those sets that could have gone either way based on production’s whims: she has some really strong jokes, like telling Carson that off the back of his long and varied list of credits, he doesn’t have to say yes to everything. Unfortunately, she won’t win, because she’s committed the cardinal sin of being Alexis Michelle.
- JESSICA, I WOULD DIE FOR YOU. “Carson is a multi-faceted artist. Or that is what he thinks he is.” She is so funny! That has got to be a win for Wild.
- Kandy predictably gets Roople chuckling a lot. It’s not win-worthy, and I’d actually place her below Jessica.
- Within thirty seconds, Jimbo has won the challenge over Jessica. The jokes don’t stop coming after that: everything lands, she nails it. If I was Mr Kressley, I’d never recover from the read: “Carson enters the room teeth first.”
- Having Jackie Would (Queer Eye co-star Thom Filicia’s drag alter-ego from Celebrity Drag Race) do an extra set is so random but like… sure?
- Runway slay time! The theme is ‘Snow Bunny’ and Alexis and Jessica are both giving a jumpsuit with some extra bits tacked on. Kandy, however, is wearing a bikini?
- Jimbo’s lewk is sensational. Feathers, feathers, feathers across the board!
- All the critiques – for all the girls – are largely positive. However, we get a classic ‘If you’re not in the top, you’re in the bottom’ twist, meaning the winner of this week’s challenge, Jimbo, has three lipsticks to pick from as he celebrates his fourth win of the season.
- Why would you not send Kandy home? Noah Fence, but they’re not going to crown Alexis Michelle, are they – Kandy and Jessica are her only real competition.
- Alexis is absolutely delulu if she thinks that Kandy isn’t voting for her based off an ‘alliance’ she made the day before. Kandy absolutely eats up her lipstick choice scene.
- Why has Jimbo’s baloney ghost been featured in more episodes of Drag Race than Irene DuBois, may I ask?
- Kandy seeing Silky Nutmeg Ganache’s silhouette when the Lip-Sync Assassin curtain and asking: ‘Is that Violet Chachki?’ is the funniest thing she’s said in two seasons.
- I feel like Silky was not the opponent Jimbo was hoping for.
- This lip-sync… what am I watching. I am agog. I am aghast. I am entertained. I think.
- JIMBO WON HER FIRST LIPSYNC AGAINST SILKY. NUTMEG. GANACHE? Not Ru adding: “You have finally won a lip-sync.”
- Not to sound like a twink in a gay club, but Alexis, put the bag down.
- The fact that Jimbo pulls Alexis’s lipstick out of her baloney hole. Drag Race needs a break.
- Wait, next week isn’t the finale? They’re cutting the season to a top two? Gagatronda.
All of this season’s Fame Games looks can be seen here.
RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars 8 continues on Fridays on Paramount+ in the US and on WOW Presents Plus in the UK and internationally.
